


killer love

by imposterhuman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Clueless Tony Stark, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, First Dates, Identity Porn, M/M, Murder, Serial Killer Bucky Barnes, Tony Needs a Hug, Writer Tony Stark, a surprising amount of fluff to be honest, dark bucky barnes, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 22:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20646356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: “Nice to finally meet you in person," Bucky said. "If you’re anything like you were over text, I think we’ll get along just fine.”“More or less,” Tony shrugged playfully. “Just with a little more murder.”Something dark passed over Bucky’s face, there and gone in an instant. “Murder?” he asked.“I’m a mystery writer,” Tony explained, hands waving. “That’s why my search history was so bizarre, you know? Gotta do my research and all that. What do you do?”“I work in forensics,” Bucky replied after a beat.Tony breathed out a sigh of relief. “Oh, good,” he said. “For a second there, I thought you were a serial killer or something.”





	killer love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [desitonystark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/desitonystark/gifts).

> for the amazing tcnystcnks on tumblr, who prompted: "okay so i just remembered this and honestly you're the first author that came to mind: au where tony and bucky meet on a dating site that matches people with similar google searches. Tony's a murder mystery writer, Bucky's a besotted serial killer. Anyway its pure crack obviously but i reckon it could be cute do with it what you will!!"
> 
> enjoy :))

Tony was probably going to get murdered.

Pepper, his wonderful and ruthless agent, had forced him to join a stupid dating site, because apparently _ working for three days straight isn’t healthy, Tony! _It was one of those sites that probably broke a dozen different privacy laws, using your Google search history to match you up with someone similar. 

But Tony had never been able to refuse his agent anything, so he’d made a profile. As the foremost murder mystery writer of his generation, he hadn’t expected much. Most of his searches had to do with various ways of killing people, after all. Anyone he did match with, well, he was bound to be suspicious of. Even among fellow writers, his work was considered to be on the more violent side, and his search history reflected that. Tony couldn’t imagine who he’d possibly match with.

In what seemed to be record time, though, the site had turned out one Bucky Barnes, who had a 96% similar search profile. Tony assumed he was another writer, so he’d sent a greeting message. He had to give the whole dating thing a try or Pepper would actually murder him, and she had definitely learned enough in their fifteen years together to not get caught. 

He hadn’t expected much, but Bucky was sweet, and funny, and _ definitely _too good to be true. 

In no time at all, Tony was suggesting they meet up for coffee, despite his absolute hatred of leaving the house. Bucky had readily agreed, sounding even more excited than Tony was.

Sitting in the coffee shop, Tony couldn't help the curl of unease in his stomach. His search history had been pretty sketchy, but at least he had an excuse; what could Bucky possible do that explained his own? The only thing he could come up with was a serial killer, and that wasn’t plausible.

He ordered a cup of black coffee and sat down at a table near the door. Pepper would’ve called him paranoid, but Tony was just being careful. His mind wandered to plans for his next book as he waited for Bucky to show.

Tony was pulled out of his thoughts of gruesome murders by a gorgeous man sitting down across from him. 

“Tony Stark?” Bucky confirmed, holding a coffee in one hand. 

“That’s me,” Tony smiled. “And you’re Bucky, right?”

“Yep,” said Bucky, nodding. “Nice to finally meet you in person. If you’re anything like you were over text, I think we’ll get along just fine.”

“More or less,” Tony shrugged playfully. “Just with a little more murder.”

Something dark passed over Bucky’s face, there and gone in an instant. “Murder?” he asked. 

“I’m a mystery writer,” Tony explained, hands waving. “That’s why my search history was so bizarre, you know? Gotta do my research and all that. What do you do?”

“I work in forensics,” Bucky replied after a beat. 

Tony breathed out a sigh of relief. “Oh, good,” he said. “For a second there, I thought you were a serial killer or something.”

“Of course not!” Bucky laughed. It sounded a little forced, but Tony didn’t pay it much thought. “Have you written anything I’ve read?”

“Probably,” Tony shrugged, latching onto the subject change with no small amount of relief. He knew his books were popular; there was no use being falsely modest about it. “I did the Avengers series? Just published the latest one a few months ago.”

“I loved that one!” said Bucky. “That twist at the end? Inspiring.”

Tony blushed and ducked his head. “Thanks,” he said. “Enough about me. Tell me about yourself.”

By the end of the date, Tony was sure he’d never had as much fun on a first outing with any other partner. They made plans to get together the next weekend before they’d even left the coffee shop. Tony was more than a little besotted, and he hoped Bucky felt the same.

With the way Bucky kissed him on their third date, Tony was pretty sure he did.

\---

“Say,” Tony mused, biting the end of his pen. He’d stayed over at Bucky’s apartment the night before and forgotten his laptop, so he was doing his writing in a boring notebook. With all the stuff he’d brought over (he was practically living with his boyfriend six months in), of course he’d forgotten the one essential thing. Still, he had to write, so pen and paper it was. “What’s the best way to kill someone undetected?”

“Shot of air between the toes would look like a heart attack,” Bucky offered, not looking up from his tablet. He pressed an absentminded kiss to the side of Tony’s head as he passed. 

“You’re the best,” praised Tony, scribbling it down. 

(A cold case was getting coverage on the news site he was idly scrolling through, one where the death had appeared to be a random heart attack, only to prove later to be a murder. Tony paid it no mind; there was more important news than old cold cases.)

\---

“Could you kill someone with a clothing hanger?” asked Tony. He was watching Bucky from the bed as his boyfriend got dressed for work. They’d officially moved in together after a year and a half of dating, and Tony couldn’t be happier.

Bucky thought for a moment. “I’d say yes,” he said, somewhat hesitantly. “But I’m not sure. I’ll ask at work today, okay?”

“Thanks, babe,” Tony blew him a kiss as he left the room. He rolled out of bed and grabbed his laptop; he’d write the rest of the scene and wait for Bucky’s confirmation.

“Good news!” Bucky said later that day when he got home from work. He greeted Tony with a warm kiss that Tony eagerly returned. “You _ can _kill someone with a clothing hanger.”

“Fuck yeah!” Tony cheered, fingers flying over the keyboard as he added it to his manuscript. 

(In the background, the news was playing on the TV, droning on about a man found dead in mysterious circumstances. Tony thought he heard _ hanger _ , but he must have mistaken it with _ hanged _. An easy mistake to make, he figured, and didn’t think of it again.)

\---

Tony caught Bucky throwing out a pair of blood-covered shoes a few days before their second anniversary.

“Nosebleed,” he explained smoothly, closing the outdoor trash bin. “Got all over my shoes and ruined them. Good thing they were old, right?”

Tony accepted the kiss Bucky planted on his lips. “You should’ve asked me,” he pouted. “I’m great at getting blood out of things. Theoretically.”

“Oh?” there was a flash of interest in Bucky’s eyes. “I’ll make sure to do that next time. Love you, babe.”

“Love you, too,” Tony said. “Now, come on. I made lasagna and it’s going to get cold.”

\---

There was one place in the house that Tony never went into: Bucky’s shed. Tony had his writing den to himself, so it was only fair that Bucky had his space, too. But Tony had been approached by a particularly tenacious detective that morning on his way to get coffee, and he had to talk to Bucky.

He didn’t believe, of course, that Bucky could be the cold hearted killer that Detective Rogers painted him as. After three years of dating, and a ring burning a hole in his pocket, Tony knew that Rogers had to have the wrong guy. But he couldn’t deny that Bucky was definitely acting a little suspicious as of late. 

Tony pushed open the door with a quick knock. The scent of blood assaulted him immediately. Bucky stood over the sink, scrubbing vigorously at his favorite shirt. With a startled noise, he whirled around.

Bucky looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Tony, doll,” he said quickly, trying to hide the bloody shirt behind his back. "What are you doing in here?"

“Lemon and table salt will get those right out,” Tony sighed, gesturing to the stained clothing. He scanned the rest of the room: knives and guns littered the surfaces, while there were more bloodstained clothes in a pile by the door. It definitely looked like a serial killer lair. “Then come to the living room. I think we need to talk, don’t you?”

Tony was never using a dating site again. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make my day!!
> 
> yell at me on tumblr [@imposter-human](https://imposter-human.tumblr.com/)


End file.
